What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
