Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize