I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
