her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We left an ass print on the piano.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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