I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
