I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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