Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
