Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
