oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
