I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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