he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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