Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
