Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
