I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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