Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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