and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
