I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
