oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
