She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
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I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been