it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?