i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.