smell my finger.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.