I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap