I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents