Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.