I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"