she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar