she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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