Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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