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I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
