I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dick very happy bro
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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