We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
