just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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