I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
