You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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