She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
