I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
