dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
