My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
