I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
