i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
