i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
