he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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