Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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