You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
