all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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