Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
