Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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