it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
