I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
