I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
