In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
