What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
