Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
