i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
