so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
