his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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