I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
