Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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