is your mom at the bar?
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.