Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
50% drunk capacity currently
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks