Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
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I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.