well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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