ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
