i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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