At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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