Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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