That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
