oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
