Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
