I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
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You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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