Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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